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From two plates of food to three

Here in Turkey, we’ve had a quarantine for about two months now and currently, we’re in a four-day lockdown. This isn’t new actually; we’ve had several weekend lockdowns and we’re expecting another one next week.

And while I’m doing so much to stay focused on dancing and working, being cooped up in one room for two months means I’m also eating a lot. Mind you, I am very careful with what I eat and I cook everything from home. But despite that, I still find myself not just hungry… but hungry hungry.

Sometimes I feel like I can't help it and serve myself a second plate of food. It doesn't happen all the time, but when it does, I get really down and this overwhelming feeling of failure fills me and makes me sad. "I'm getting fat" I say to myself. I know I shouldn't say it, but I do.

You see, I’ve always been hard on myself about my weight and it’s something I struggled with for a very long time. In fact, I was once right under 200 lbs! At 5’2 and in my early 20’s I was the biggest and unhealthiest I’d ever been in my life. Dropping the weight was the best thing I’ve ever done and I am very happy that I am now down 70 lbs and have kept it mostly off for 10 years! I did that by changing my mindset: instead of saying, "I can't do this", I said "I can do this". I changed that negative and turned it into a positive.

I changed that negative and turned it into a positive.

And I have to remember that when I'm here in my room during this quarantine/lockdown being hungry hungry. I need to change my mindset: instead of saying, "I'm getting fat", I need to say, "I'm getting thicc". Because doesn't that thicc hippo above look just lovely dancing?! :) Fat has this negative connotation but thicc has this super positive and uplifting tone!

If you're not familiar with the term thicc, a quick search on Urban Dictionary describes thicc as:

Now I didn't just write this blog to openly justify using the word "thicc" as a way to encourage overeating. I wrote this blog as a reminder that we're all human and that not being perfect all the time is okay. And when we're not perfect, we need to be kinder to ourselves. We're in a global pandemic and no one knows when and what the future will be like.

For us artists, THIS IS REALLY SCARY.

With so much uncertainty, the most important thing is to not let something minuscule like 'eating a bit more' tear me down and than beat myself up by using a harsh word like "fat". No, I don't need to sabotage myself in any way right now. I just need to change my mindset, be kind to myself, and say "girl get a third plate if you want". <3

Thoughts from a fabulous, thicc artist in lockdown.

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